–There was a woman who said she wanted to be buried with a Bible in her right hand and a fork in her left hand.
They said I understand the Bible in the right hand but why the fork in your left hand? She said whenever you eat and dessert is coming, they say hang onto your fork so she knows that after death the best is yet to come!!
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If a tiny virus can do this much damage, imagine what a mustard seed of faith can do
Story:
A King stood high above his subjects on a balcony. I need a kidney and I wonder if any of you below would be willing to give me one of yours? I know it is asking a lot and would be a great sacrifice! A loud cry went up from the majority crying loudly let it be me, please let it be me!!
The King turned to his main aide and asked how can I choose among them since so many want to volunteer? There was a feather near his feet and he got an idea! He told his subjects I know what I’ll do, I’ll drop this feather and whoever it lands on will get the honor of donating me a kidney.
As the feather came slowly descending a swooshing sound could be heard as the subjects started blowing the feather. This is the way of a lot of people that tell God let me, let me God. But when God says ok go ahead they start trying to shift the load off them and onto someone else! They start to blow the feather away from themselves.
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And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you. Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting.
Humor:
Knock knock
Who’s There
Adolph
Adolph who
A dolph ball hit me in the mouth and that’s why I talk this way
If you can’t find two minutes can you spare just one?
8/31– Can You Spare A Minute?
–8/31
Opportunities Missed
There was a very cautious man
Who never laughed or played;
He never risked, he never tried,
He never sang or prayed.
And when he one day passed away
His insurance was denied;
For since he never really lived,
They claimed he never died!
The richest place in the world is the cemetery. It is richer than Fort Knox! There are apologies never made, Love never expressed, songs never sung, and sermons never preached. Don’t die with your song still within you!!!
I’m not afraid of dying… only to die before I’ve ever lived!
A boy, who had strayed out of his depth, began to drown in a river, when a passing stranger saw him and began to scold him for being reckless. “Please help me out first, then by all means scold me afterwards,” pleaded the boy.
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If you can’t find two minutes can you spare just one?
8/30– Can You Spare A Minute?
9/14–8/30–Moan and groan—how many of you know people that all they do is moan and groan? People say I’m not happy with my job. They say 87% of the people go to job that they hate. We have the dubious distinction in this country that on Monday morning between 6 an 9AM the heart attack rate increases over 35%!! People going to jobs that they hate. Their hearts tell them didn’t I tell you I didn’t want to go and they attack them?I can imagine that some of y’all don’t want to go to work next Monday.
People all they do is moan and groan. I’m not making enough money, I’m unhappy with my job! So, the thing about it is this…. all some people do is moan and groan.
I heard a story about some men on a porch. A man was walking by and heard the dog howling and whining. He asked the men why the dog was whining. They said he was laying on a nail. The man asked them why the dog didn’t get off the nail. He said because it wasn’t hurting enough.
I heard someone say that God gave us Ten Commandments but if He has given an eleventh it would have been “Thou Shall Not Bellyache”
What to do when something or someone tries to bury you—-I heard the story about a man who had an old mule that he really loved. One day the man couldn’t find the old mule and he began to panic. He checked the fence to see if got out, but everything looked good. Then he remembered the big, deep hole he had had dug just a few days earlier. He ran as fast as he could to the hole, and sure enough his fears were confirmed. The old mule looked up at him from the bottom of the hole. The only thing he knew that was left to do, was to just put him out of his misery. So he go a shovel and began to throw the dirt down on top of the mule. When he went to get the second shovel full he was amazed. The old mule just shook off the dirt and packed it down with his feet. He quickly started shoveling as fast as he could. Each time the mule shook the dirt off and packed it down, until before long the old mule was at the top and just walked on out. So when someone digs a hole and puts you in it,just dhake it off pack it down and walk on out!
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Those who are comfortable with themselves don’t criticize
Story:
My Dad taught me two valuables lessons before he died.
One, don’t ever brag on yourself. Proverbs 27: 2 tells us “Let another lips praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger and not thine own lips.
Lesson two was not to ever make fun of anyone. To me, making fun of another is kin to criticizing. We were at a basketball game when I was about 8 or 9 years old. A player on the court had some of the biggest ears I had ever seen on a person. I blurted out, “Look at old Dumbo out there, the one with the big ears. It looks like he might fly away. My Dad was furious and I believe if there had not been so many witnesses there, I may have really been punished.
I learned not to make fun or criticize right then, that day! I learned to root for the Underdog. It takes a big man not to cheapen himself by criticizing another. I might not know how to explain class but, I know it when I see it!
My oldest Grandson was five years old when his Sister was born. He had got used to being the only child and the “center of attention.” We were looking at her through the hospital window and everyone was talking about how pretty she was. They remarked at her size and how big she was at 9 pounds and 15 ounces. My Grandson must have got tired of been overlooked, because he said loudly, “Look at me, look at me, I’m big.”
I still carry my Dad’s two lessons in my tool box. I would not want to be without them for even one day.
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Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
If you can’t find two minutes can you spare just one?
8/29– Can You Spare A Minute?
8/29–The moso is a bamboo plant that grows in China and the Far East. After the moso is planted, no visible growth occurs for up to five years – event under ideal conditions!
Then, unbelievably, it suddenly begins growing at the rate of nearly two and one half feet per day, reaching a full height of ninety feet within six weeks. The moso’s rapid growth is due to the miles of roots it develops during those first five years, five years of getting ready.
May it be that as we, and our students mature, Eph. 2:17 becomes true in our case, that we “may be rooted and established on the foundation.”
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There was a man standing on a hill looking down on a man in the valley. The man on the hill said to himself I am here and the man in the valley is there. I don’t want to be here, I want to be there. I will just go join the man in the valley and then I can be there too!
So the man on the hill hastened to join the man in the valley, for he had always longed to be there. When he finally got to the man in the valley he was so happy he exclaimed to the man I am finally there.
The man in the valley said no my son you are here. The man on the hill said please tell me where there is so I can finally be there. The man in the valley said you see that hill you just came from? Well that is there and you are here.
So, when you long to get there in life, life will let you know you haven’t arrived.
When I get $1 million dollars, get married, get my drivers license,you think, I will finally be there. You get married and then feel like it will take a child before you are finally there. Then you think when I get this child raised and through school….. well, you get my point!
We seem to never be there because we are always here!!
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Start Your Day Off Right 